I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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