My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
