I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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