i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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