He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
