Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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