i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
