her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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