I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
