I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
