i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
