I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
