A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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