i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
