I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
