Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
