The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dignity is for republicans.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
