no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
