How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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