I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
