I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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