i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
