They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
