seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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