i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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