yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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