My friends, they love my intelligence
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
