Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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