I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
