weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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