nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
