Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
