I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
