someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
