I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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