about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
