omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
