I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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