we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
