if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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