Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
