I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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