"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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