Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
its liver damage thursday
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