that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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