He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
