Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
