Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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