My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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