If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
