I just cut my nipple shaving
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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