How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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