Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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