if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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